… I can really write whatever I want. There is no need to be sophisticated, self-critical, reflecting and enlightened.
But what is the point of having a blog then? Well, let’s see… Writing down the thoughts into a notebook seems a bit old-fashioned to me. Besides, I am pretty sure that my hand has lost its capacity to bend itself around a pen already several years ago. I really believe my right hand has been undergoing a process of physical transformation ever since I had started to type everything instead of good-old writing by means of actual hand & pen combination.
So: if no one reads this, there is actually zero pressure on being on top, opinionated, outspoken or knowledgeable in any way. One can be silly, for once one can truly relax. The transparency of our digital being seems to have deprived us of our last resort where the relaxed state of mind is not frowned upon. The digital age wanna-be-intellectual must be on the very top: of the news, hot topics, buzzes, technical progress, opinions of the influential bloggers, top hits of the YouTube, and, in some rare cases, even of the surviving fossils of the pre-Internet age, such as bestsellers, movies and print media. In the modern web-based entertainment, which is presently turning into something like a 24-h cocoon zone with hidden sharp edges on the inside, there is no leisure time anymore. The web-entertainment literally eats up the leisure. We watch, read, hear the noisy bells of the web-buzz and feel well-entertained 24-7. Under these circumstances, we are literally experiencing the inversion of the process, which the Western societies underwent on the border between XIX and XX centuries, when the decreasing working hours and growing wedges transformed the miserable lives of millions from the state of the constant slaving into the state of slaving with short breaks foreseen for the consumption of products of someone’s else slogging. In our age, we are slaving for free, non-stop yet once again and on our free time, since the consumption of information has become the main priority and task for our generation. The quality of information does not really matter – it is the whirling process of its absorption filling all the leisure gaps in our lives.
Like it or not: leisure which becomes a must just stops to be enjoyable, since the whole concept of leisure is built upon the voluntarily and enjoyability of thereof. Instead we are expected to be able to smell out the next big buzz with our 7th, 8th or 9th or whatever sense there is in order to stay tuned into the latest global amazement-psychosis.
As for me, lately I have been questioning literally everything – it all just seems to lack meaning and significance. I have lost, at least temporarily, my ability to be on that top of all the things, which used to hold the pieces of my life together while they were circling around some very questionable and not yet understood center of gravity.
p.s. 11.01.2013 The author has eventually overcome her moment of temporarily madness and fell back into the warm and sticky embrace of the great Mother WEB.
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